On Impatience

I'm impatient.  Very impatient.  I think it's one of my biggest faults and biggest source of frustration.  I get impatient in traffic and speed too much.  I get impatient in class when the conversation drags on too long at the end of the period.  And I'm impatient when it comes to food and weight.

Patience is a virtue I wish I had a better grasp on.  At least I almost never let it affect how I treat others, but that just means that the one who is suffering the most is myself.  If I could just take a deep breath and let it all flow, it wouldn't have to feel so darn wound up all the time.

I hate how much time it takes to lose healthily lose weight.  I want results quicker, and in larger numbers.  I know how ridiculous and ineffective this is in practice, but that really doesn't do much to abate the desire.  This is what makes the entire diet industry the scum of the earth.  Any diet that says you can lose the weight quickly and keep it off is bald faced lying.  It took time to put it on, you can bet it'll take about the same amount of time to take it off.  The diet industry feeds off of the very human desire to see tangible, measurable results.  Diets don't work.  Any temporary dietary changes you make will only have an effect so long as they are in effect.  When you stop eating nothing but cabbage soup, for example, and start eating normally again your body is going to gain weight.

It sucks.  Truly it does.  And many don't seem to understand that the diet industry only makes money when there are heavy people to victimize.  They gain nothing from helping you because then you can stop using their product.  If they make you dependent on it, however...

It takes time.  Sometimes I wonder if I have the patience to ever make it to my goal weight.  If not, I'm coming to terms with the fact that it wouldn't be such a horrible fate.  I'm overweight, hovering near obese now, but I am healthy in every other way.  I have wonderful friends.  A loving boyfriend.

Maybe slowing down and trying not to care quite so much will help the time pass a little quicker.

4th Friday Weigh-in, Several Months Later

Ha ha ha ha ha hi.

I'm... um... back, I guess.  Please don't hate me.  I warned you I was a blog abandoner!

I wish I could say I'm back with good news, that news being a lower weight, but alas.

I'm 188.

God, just writing it depresses me something fierce.  What happened?  Well, for starters, my classes started getting stressful, so the posts were the first thing to go.  New habits take... 6? 8? weeks to form and I'd only been at it for a couple or so.  Plus I was basically talking to thin air, so yeah, not much motivation to stay on it.

I also became romantically entangled, as it were.  I've been with my boyfriend for almost 4 months now and boy, does having him around crash my eating habits.  I'm not blaming him, mind you.  I'm an adult and I make my own decisions and I take responsibility for them.  I am responsible when I eat the cake, cookies, ice cream and chips we buy.  Sometimes his money, sometimes mine.  I buy it for him, but I almost always partake.  He's aware of my piss poor will power, and dear that he is, is encouraging me not to buy it for him.  I also know he's better off without that stuff too, so I've started taking him up on it.

I haven't been this close to 190 for over a year.  If I'm brutally honest?  I hate myself for gaining this much weight back.  But choosing to start this blog up again and stay accountable by posting my weight will be one way I can get back on track.

So, uh, bye.