On Impatience

I'm impatient.  Very impatient.  I think it's one of my biggest faults and biggest source of frustration.  I get impatient in traffic and speed too much.  I get impatient in class when the conversation drags on too long at the end of the period.  And I'm impatient when it comes to food and weight.

Patience is a virtue I wish I had a better grasp on.  At least I almost never let it affect how I treat others, but that just means that the one who is suffering the most is myself.  If I could just take a deep breath and let it all flow, it wouldn't have to feel so darn wound up all the time.

I hate how much time it takes to lose healthily lose weight.  I want results quicker, and in larger numbers.  I know how ridiculous and ineffective this is in practice, but that really doesn't do much to abate the desire.  This is what makes the entire diet industry the scum of the earth.  Any diet that says you can lose the weight quickly and keep it off is bald faced lying.  It took time to put it on, you can bet it'll take about the same amount of time to take it off.  The diet industry feeds off of the very human desire to see tangible, measurable results.  Diets don't work.  Any temporary dietary changes you make will only have an effect so long as they are in effect.  When you stop eating nothing but cabbage soup, for example, and start eating normally again your body is going to gain weight.

It sucks.  Truly it does.  And many don't seem to understand that the diet industry only makes money when there are heavy people to victimize.  They gain nothing from helping you because then you can stop using their product.  If they make you dependent on it, however...

It takes time.  Sometimes I wonder if I have the patience to ever make it to my goal weight.  If not, I'm coming to terms with the fact that it wouldn't be such a horrible fate.  I'm overweight, hovering near obese now, but I am healthy in every other way.  I have wonderful friends.  A loving boyfriend.

Maybe slowing down and trying not to care quite so much will help the time pass a little quicker.

What's in a name?

I'm horrible at making up titles.  Some posts will probably have titles longer than the content, because I think that sort of thing is hilarious.

I never said this would be a sophisticated blog.

So when I started this thing, like, three days ago, all I knew was what I wanted to write about and I hadn't even contemplated what I would call the darn thing.  At first I came up with "Fit for fat".  I was pretty proud of that one until I found out the url had already been taken.  Bummer.  The rest of them were pathetic, feeble attempts at being witty, amusing, cute, and a bunch of other adjectives I can't remember.  That's how dumb they probably were.

I settled on "The Scale Goddess" because some days I feel like I've been inducted into a crazy cult... I should probably clarify that.  Look at this way.  Every morning, I pay my respects to an object.  The feedback that object gives me defines my day.  If it's positive, I'm happy, confident, strutting around, shaking that thang.  If it's negative, I'm destitute, bereft, melancholy, a grumpy Gus, not happy.  I think of all the things I could do to fix the object's opinion of me.  And when I get home, against all reason, I strip naked and weigh myself again. Oh, I didn't mention that I weigh myself in the buff?  Because I totally do.  This object is the scale, and I go to it everyday, sometimes multiple times a day... naked.  Change the scale to the moon or some other cosmic force and I'm a stereotypical Wiccan.

If this sound completely crazy, that's because it is.  Not that Wiccan's are crazy.  I love Wiccans.  Gee Dee it,  rewind.  What I'm trying to say is, as weird as all religion is to me, I will be the first to admit that this behavior is weirder.

As I said the other day, I'm better at outwardly responding to the scale.  I don't binge.  That's a huge  accomplishment for me.  But I absolutely let it affect me in almost every other way.  This isn't good.  In many ways, getting out of this crazy cult is almost more important than losing the rest of the weight.  I think writing about it will be therapeutic for me.  Even if it is the equivalent of talking to an empty room.  Crazy if you do, crazy if you don't.

And that's why the blog is called The Scale Goddess!

Not the beginning, but close enough.

I'm not what you could call a newb to blog making.  In fact, I'd say I'm an expert in blog abandoning.  Good thing they let you have more than one to an email address or I'd have a bunch of abandoned email babies too.  I'm a monster.

I am, however, pretty much addicted to reading blogs.  Mostly about weight loss.  Maybe because I like reading  about the pathetic futile struggles of fatties.  Okay, that's a lie.  And a mean one.  Ouch, where'd that come from?  Anyway, no, the reason I'm addicted to weight loss blogs is because I identify too well with what they're going through.  I thought maybe it was high time I started documenting my own journey.  Or something similarly poetic.  My friends will be utterly delighted, if they ever learn of this endeavor, though.  It might mean I'll stop talking their ears off about nutrition and the fast food industry and the status of my current weight.  Unlikely, but  far be for me to crush their dreams.

I'm a 22 year old college student at a mid west college.  I weigh approximately 170 pounds although at my highest I was almost 300.  I probably should have started this blog then, but then, hindsight is 20/20.  I weigh myself every day.  I know they say it's not healthy, but it's what works for me.  I need it to motivate me to make good choices at this stage in my life.  I will do official type weigh ins every Friday morning, after I pee and before I eat breakfast.  My goal is around 130.  Where I end up is anyone's guess.  Maybe I'll love myself at 150.  Maybe I won't be happy until 120.

Let's figure it out together?